You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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