you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just pynch a tree in the face
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
