Pappa wants mamma naked
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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