im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Please don't give away my fajitas
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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