I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
