My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
