Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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