Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
