dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
