im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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