The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
