genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
