Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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