I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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