The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
