Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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