I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize