woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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