Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
