I heard we made out
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just sucked dick on a ferry
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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