I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
