this beer tastes like vomit already
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
