He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
