I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
