HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize