Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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