You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
