Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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