Dude my mom stole all your condoms
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
