this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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