No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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