In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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