before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
