So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
