New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
