did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
