I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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