i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
