he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
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You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize