WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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