Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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