it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I had to cum in my sink.
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