Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
