got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
