the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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