Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
