One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If I die, sorry about rent.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
