She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize