I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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