So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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