Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
