Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
