Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
