For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
