he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
