i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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