I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
