upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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