and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
