I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
