he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
