woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
