I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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