i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
