Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
