i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
