capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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